In one of the episodes, Kacie B., the quote-on-quote “nice” girl, is sent home. She was friendly and adorable, and everybody – except evil Courtney and the other contestants (I don’t know what else to call them.) – wanted Ben to choose her. It wasn’t to be. He didn’t give her a rose, and she had to go home.
During that ride away from the hotel, she began to sob. She wondered how she could have been such a stupid person. She asked what she had done wrong. She then exclaimed, “What the f#@k happened?”
My roommate seemed surprised at the use of the word; she said, “Kacie B., you are far too nice a girl to be using that word.” I didn’t have anything to say in response to the statement. The word seemed foreign on Kacie B.’s lips, and yet…
…and yet, I understand the motion. Kacie B. needed a word that would express her hurt, grief, and anger, and it wasn’t to be found in her day-to-day vocabulary. She had to reach outside herself to find it. Was “f#@k” the right word? It might have been for her in that moment. I don’t know. I only know, as a writer, that I am continuously in search of the right word. Sometimes, that word is a quote-on-quote bad word. Sometimes, it isn’t.